On Love and Loss

It’s been rather quiet here over at Work-A-Bull for a few weeks now.  I’ve unfortunately had some personal thinking, rationalizing and soul searching to do involving my beautiful senior cat, Mindi.  Those thoughts lead me to the realization that being selfish and not helping her cross the bridge was for selfish reasons when it was apparent that she was ready to join her brother, Teddy, who left us last year.  It was one of the hardest decisions of my life to let my childhood best friend, confidant and companion go.  I know it won’t get any easier when I have to let any of my beloved companions go but at least I was able to enjoy her company until she took her last breath in my arms.

Mindi (and her “brother”, Teddy) joined our family in June 1997.  This darling little ball of tortishell-colored fur who would growl and snarl at the sight of our Shih Tzu and grow seemingly into this furious cat beast was one of the most loving and sweetest cats I have been blessed with knowing in all of my years.  She and I were best friends throughout my high school years.  She got me through a lot of high school break ups, late night cram sessions for midterms and finals and my awkward struggling as an adolescent odd ball (and don’t get me wrong, I’m still odd but not quite so awkward!).  I truly don’t know what I would have done without her then or up until her passing.  I’m honestly still lost deep in the threshold of my mind.  I’m functioning outwardly but inwardly I’m still losing it.

The day after her passing, I went to a dog show.  I put on my bravest face and I kept myself surrounded by one of my passions – three of my beautiful dogs.  I lost it a few times and had to compose myself but I made it through the day.  A few people who knew what had happened probably thought I was nuts for going (even I questioned myself!) but I knew that if I didn’t get out and do something, I would be useless and lost in my grief.  Many people shared their condolences, passed on hugs of sympathy and let me know they knew how I felt.  It was good to be surrounded by so many caring individuals – especially the one who coaxed me to get out and make something of the day in honor of Mindi’s memory.  It was one of the most mentally painful things I’ve done in a long time but it was the right decision and has allowed me to realize that my best friend wouldn’t have wanted me moping around the house crying over her loss.  That isn’t how she lived and I doubt it’s how she’d want to be remembered.

Mindi will live forever in my mind and always hold a piece of my heart.  Her spirit may be gone and her physical body left behind but she is with me.  Her ever patient, soul-searching gaze and the gentle rumbling of her purr are something I see deep within my subconscious every night before I finally fall asleep.  One day we will be reunited but until then, I know I have a little feline guardian angel watching over me and mine.

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I miss you, sweet girl, in more ways than you could ever imagine.
Play hard at the Rainbow Bridge.  I’ll see you again one day.
April 1, 1997 – March 9, 2013

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